Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Vermaelenator...Terminated?

This week we as Arsenal supporters step into the alternate reality that is…….the nil-nil draw. It’s pretty surreal, I know, so in case you’re getting uncomfortable with the unfamiliar settings let me remind you that two Arsenal players were injured in tonight’s fixture. Ahh, home again…yes, Arsenal’s modus-operandi of getting injured was still intact tonight as first the Vermaelenator and then Eduardo limped off, whittling our core squad of world-beaters (not FA Cup beaters, mind you) down to something like, oh, 5-6 (luckily tonight Stewart Downing provided us with an extra man in a defensive position). Wenger’s preferred starting eleven therefore currently resembles a kind of Frankenstein creation, assembled from the spare, somewhat-preserved parts of squads for long-deceased competitions like the Carling Cup and now the FA Cup, making it seem more like a group of survivors than anything else. Speaking of freaks of nature, what’s even more unsettling is the possible long-term departure of half-man-half-machine Thomas Vermaelen, whose injury could range from a pinched nerve to a broken bone. I was under the impression that a broken bone was the kind of injury indicated by excruciating, incapacitating pain but then again I’m not a cybernetic organism. We all will wait with baited breath to hear the news, as any extended layoff for Thomas will surely mean that his stand-in, Old-man Sol-man will have to initiate a strict regimen of Ben-Gay baths somewhere between his Bingo league and Wheel of Fortune re-runs. As an Arsenal supporter and proud owner of a healthy heart I’d rather not have to face the defensive ramifications of the aforementioned scenario, so drink lots and lots of milk, Thomas…

Meanwhile the Mancs are truly convinced they’re hot stuff after winning a decisive playground scuffle against that big, intimidating bully Carlos Tevez, so here’s hoping we can capitalize on their Carling Cup Daze (define oxymoron) when we face them at home this Sunday. As a defensive precaution Arsene Wenger has dully injured Abou Diaby, so that’s one less head we have to worry about defending on setpieces. Good thinking.

Whoever Wenger robs from the crib to start in our side this Sunday, I figure we’ve got our best chance of a win throughout these 4 games of fixture-scheduling hell (Villa-Man U-Chelsea-Liverpool). Wear your red and white and get behind the best team in the land…we’re only two points off the top and there’s a lot of season left!

Come on Arsenal!